Don’t worry, you didn’t miss anything last week. This week is even worse.
In Theaters:
Last Week:
- Machete – Moments of glorious gore spattered across a lame plot line.
- Going the Distance – “I’m a Mac” is in a long-distance relationship with the little girl from E.T. I liked one of the guys in the trailer, but Drew Barrymore cancels out any positive this thing had going for it.
- The American – It’s supposed to be a throwback to the old-style cinema starring George Clooney. Most reviews I’ve read say it’ll throw you right back to your pillow.
On Video:
- Killers – Ashton Kutcher is a secret agent man. It also stars Katherine Heigl. That’s 3 strikes.
- MacGruber – Probably your best chance at something decent to watch this week, but that’s not saying much. Be warned, it’s supposed to be pretty crude.
Last Week:
Tags: Movies, Rental, theater, This Week in Movies, video
We’re officially in the suck. There won’t be anything good coming out for a while, but here we go anyway.
In Theaters:
- The Last Exorcism – All we can hope for during the movie dead season is a few good horror flicks. This movie brings no such hope.
- Takers – It’s got Paul Walker, T.I., Chris Brown, and Hayden Christiansen. That’s 4 strikes. It also has Stringer Bell, but I assure you, this is not The Wire.
- Avatar (Limited) – They brought it back to select theaters so the few shmucks like me who missed it in theaters the first time can finally give James Cameron their money. There’s still no 3D Blu Ray version, so if you want to see it as James Cameron intended, now’s your chance.
Watch these older movies instead:
- Scott Pilgrim vs. the World – The director of Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz leaves Simon Pegg and Nick Frost behind to bring us a stylized comic action movie starring Michael Cera. I haven’t seen it, but I feel like I’m in his debt after he allowed me to bask in the glory of his first two movies. I’ll be seeing this one.
- Piranha 3D – The B-Movie is back and in glorious 3D. This gimmick of a movie is what the gimmick of 3D was made for. That said, as with most B-Movies, expect lots of blood and gratuitous sex, violence, and nudity.
- Salt – I figure if you have to watch a dumb action movie, it might as well be this one. Just don’t watch the Expendables, I’m begging you.
On Video:
It’s worse than I thought, there was nothing really worth watching that came out on video since my last post, so just use DrChocolates recommendations below if you must watch something. Or check out my other site, GuessWhatTotallyBadAssThingIJustFoundonInstantWatch.com and watch something on Netflix’s Instant Watch.
In other news, I’m thinking of keeping a list of all the movies I watch and my brief thoughts about each. I’ll post it somewhere on this site, so be on the lookout.
Tags: Avatar, Movies, Nick Frost, Rental, Simon Pegg, Theaters, This Week in Movies, video
I’m a changed man, I swear!
In Theaters:
- The Other Guys – Marky Mark and Will Ferrell are cops. Guess what ensues. Directed by the guy that did Step Brothers and Land of the Lost, so it could be a gamble, but the trailer looked funny enough. I’ll probably catch it on DVD.
- Step Up 3D – Yup, they made another one, and yes, that’s what they called it.
- Middle Men – Al Gore may have invented the internet, but Luke Wilson invented internet porn.
On Video:
- Diary of a Wimpy Kid – I hear the kids like it.
- Kick-Ass – McLovin and a bunch of other kids decide to be superheroes with kick-ass results. See what I did there? Anywho, it’s from the director of Layer Cake, so you know it’s going to be some fun, stylized action, and Nicolas Cage is in it. He’s always good for a laugh. Seriously though, add it to the queue.
Tags: Movies, netflix, Rental, Theaters, This Week in Movies
Update: So you probably already realized this, but I’m an idiot and posted next week’s movies this week. Hopefully I didn’t ruin your weekend.
In Theaters:
- Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time – Donnie Darko leaves the Mountain and dons a British accent to do some Parkour. It’s a Bruckheimer movie, so expect some big dumb fun, but it’s also based on a video game, so watch at your own risk. Then again, he did make a theme park ride into a pretty entertaining set of movies, but Gyllenhaal is no Johnny Depp.
- Sex and the City 2 – I won’t waste your time. You already know if you’re going to be watching this movie or not.
On Video:
- Dear John – Amanda Seyfried and Channing Tatum write some dude named John a bunch of letters, or something like that.
- The Road – Post-Apocalyptic tale of Viggo Mortensen and his son struggling to survive in an ashy wasteland. Buy the book, watch the movie, then lend them both to a friend. This is storytelling at its finest.
Tags: Movies, Rental, theater, This Week in Movies
I got sick of not knowing what came out. We’ll see how long this lasts.
In Theaters:
- Shrek Forever After – Nothing I say here will keep people from seeing this movie. For what it’s worth, I enjoyed the 2nd one.
- MacGruber – I’m skeptical of any 30 second SNL skit made into a movie, but the commercials say it’s funny. Plus it’s written by the geniuses behind most of the digital shorts. I’ll catch it on DVD, I’m sure people will like it. Bonus points if Betty White’s in it.
On Video:
- Valentine’s Day – This romantic-comedy employs the shotgun method of filmmaking, fill your movie with as many names as you can and you’re bound to hit something. Anne Hathaway and Topher Grace hit Megan, so I’m screwed.
- Invictus – I’ll watch anything directed by Clint Eastwood and anything Matt Damon’s in. I guess I have to watch this one twice.
- The Spy Next Door – Stars Jackie Chan, George Lopez, and the back of my hand to your face if you even think of renting this.
- Extraordinary Measures – I could never figure out what this one was about from the trailers. Apparently some kid is sick and Harrison Ford and Brendan Fraser try to invent some sort of super-drug to cure him before Keri Russell takes over the world with her curly brown locks. At least, that’s what I got from the trailers.
Tags: clint-eastwood, Movies, netflix, This Week in Movies, Trailers
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