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People need to relax. I don’t know if it’s something in the air lately or what, but everyone around me has been freaking out about the stupidest things. Relax, people, it’s not worth it, life is way too short!

It all started the other night. I was chilling in the subway with Megan, waiting for the train when some guy dressed in hospital scrubs started asking us questions. He’s all, “Have you been waiting long,” and we said not that long and he asked how often they come and we said about every 15 minutes, it runs local at that time of night. Then he got all worked up and started cursing under his breath about how he was going to have to do this every night going all the way to Brooklyn locally.

So then I start thinking to myself, that sucks dude (that’s right, I still think in dude, I’m old, leave me alone), but you need to relax. There’s obviously nothing he can do about it unless he gets a new job. But he just sat there until the train came shaking his head and cursing very audibly under his breath, making everyone around him uncomfortable.

Then, the next day, I needed to go to the post office to pick up a package. I waited in line in standard post office fashion for about 15 minutes (during which time the guy in front of me asked to borrow my pen, took it to the nearby table, used it, then set it on the table forgetting all about me. I looked at the pen on the table, looked at him, back at the pen, back at him, chuckled to myself and thought, really? Really? You’re just going to leave it there, really? Then I went over and grabbed it without him seeing. It made me laugh). Then, out of the blue, some lady in the mailing line started freaking out. She starts yelling at the lady behind her window about who knows what, saying she wants to speak to a manager and she can’t believe how she’s been treated, and she will never let this go, and that it is her duty to report it to the proper authorities. Again, I thought it was all very humorous and chuckled to myself.

Then she throws her hands in the air and storms over to my line to talk to our lady behind the window (sounds like a catholic church, “Our Lady of Behind the Window” … I apologize to any Catholics out there that may have just been offended by that lame attempt at a joke. It will never happen again. Please do not set your Mel Gibson on me), interrupts the person already at the window and starts demanding to see the supervisor. She’s told something or other and steps to the side where she continues to whine about how badly she’s being treated, and how she’s late to work, but will stand here until she talks to a supervisor because “this will not stand.”

Now, I’m generally concerned for the plight of humanity, it bothers me to watch people suffer, but I just wanted to laugh in this lady’s face. It turns out she was all worked up because when she asked what she needed to put on some mailing form, the window lady told her, “I don’t care, put whatever you want on there. You can draw a picture for all I care.” Come on, that’s funny. You have to hand it to window lady, that’s rich. But this lady took it personally and decided not only to waste her time, but the time of two separate post office lines, to make a stand.

Lady, you asked a stupid question. You deserve to be mocked. If anything, window lady should be commended for her actions. Mailing forms are clearly labeled with boxes denoting the required information, but rather than use your head and look at the form, you decided to waste window lady’s time with a stupid question then spiral out of control into a ranting rage not unlike the Tasmanian Devil, thus wasting the time of an entire post office full of people. If anything, the most her little rant probably did was get window lady a verbal warning, and maybe, just maybe, a written warning with a note on her record. Well done, Post Office Rager, you sure made the world a better place with your stand. Now go breathe into a paper bag somewhere and leave us all alone.

My day was far from over after this little episode. I then went to Bed Bath and Beyond in search of an a/c unit to squelch this sweltering heat in which I live and took the subway back as I usually do these days. On the subway, there was a cute little 4 or 5-year-old boy squirming around in his seat because it had just rained and his pants were all wet. His poor mother was doing all she could to keep him happy and under control. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I see this old man shaking his head and looking up at the heavens as if to say, “Please God, make it stop.”

It’s a little kid for crying out loud! Are you really freaking out because a little kid won’t sit still? Really? Really?! You’re getting your Depends all up in a bunch because some little kid can’t sit still on a subway that’s not moving. Really? Then the mother brought out some toys for the kid and he started having a grand old time with a toy whale, but the old man was still freaking out! The kid was having the time of his life playing with his whale and talking to the other passengers and this cranky old man (who was actually only in his 40s or 50s or something) was completely distraught because his little bubble was being disturbed. You know what, go back to your bubble, bubble man. Let the kids play with their whales!

I don’t understand what it is inside these people that make them so concerned with the factors around them over which they have no control. I got caught in the rain yesterday and the entire bottom half of me was soaked to the bone. Did I sit and whine about it as the rain kept pouring down on me? No, I simply walked faster so I could get to the museum and be out of the rain (I know, I know, I’m great, I deserve a medal for my bravery). My point is, people need to relax! Quit taking things personally! Learn to enjoy things a little bit! Learn to laugh at yourself! Quit using exclamation points! Life is hilarious if you let it be. Just enjoy it.

Man, I need to relax!