We’re officially in the suck. There won’t be anything good coming out for a while, but here we go anyway.
In Theaters:
- The Last Exorcism – All we can hope for during the movie dead season is a few good horror flicks. This movie brings no such hope.
- Takers – It’s got Paul Walker, T.I., Chris Brown, and Hayden Christiansen. That’s 4 strikes. It also has Stringer Bell, but I assure you, this is not The Wire.
- Avatar (Limited) – They brought it back to select theaters so the few shmucks like me who missed it in theaters the first time can finally give James Cameron their money. There’s still no 3D Blu Ray version, so if you want to see it as James Cameron intended, now’s your chance.
Watch these older movies instead:
- Scott Pilgrim vs. the World – The director of Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz leaves Simon Pegg and Nick Frost behind to bring us a stylized comic action movie starring Michael Cera. I haven’t seen it, but I feel like I’m in his debt after he allowed me to bask in the glory of his first two movies. I’ll be seeing this one.
- Piranha 3D – The B-Movie is back and in glorious 3D. This gimmick of a movie is what the gimmick of 3D was made for. That said, as with most B-Movies, expect lots of blood and gratuitous sex, violence, and nudity.
- Salt – I figure if you have to watch a dumb action movie, it might as well be this one. Just don’t watch the Expendables, I’m begging you.
On Video:
It’s worse than I thought, there was nothing really worth watching that came out on video since my last post, so just use DrChocolates recommendations below if you must watch something. Or check out my other site, GuessWhatTotallyBadAssThingIJustFoundonInstantWatch.com and watch something on Netflix’s Instant Watch.
In other news, I’m thinking of keeping a list of all the movies I watch and my brief thoughts about each. I’ll post it somewhere on this site, so be on the lookout.
Tags: Avatar, Movies, Nick Frost, Rental, Simon Pegg, Theaters, This Week in Movies, video
I’m a changed man, I swear!
In Theaters:
- The Other Guys – Marky Mark and Will Ferrell are cops. Guess what ensues. Directed by the guy that did Step Brothers and Land of the Lost, so it could be a gamble, but the trailer looked funny enough. I’ll probably catch it on DVD.
- Step Up 3D – Yup, they made another one, and yes, that’s what they called it.
- Middle Men – Al Gore may have invented the internet, but Luke Wilson invented internet porn.
On Video:
- Diary of a Wimpy Kid – I hear the kids like it.
- Kick-Ass – McLovin and a bunch of other kids decide to be superheroes with kick-ass results. See what I did there? Anywho, it’s from the director of Layer Cake, so you know it’s going to be some fun, stylized action, and Nicolas Cage is in it. He’s always good for a laugh. Seriously though, add it to the queue.
Tags: Movies, netflix, Rental, Theaters, This Week in Movies
In Theaters:
- Inkheart – Brendan Fraser stars in a 2-hour Public Library commercial.
- Revolutionary Road – Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet are a couple, this time without a boat. I’m not a Leo fan, but I love Sam Mendes (director, American Beauty, Road to Perdition, Jarhead) and critics love this thing, so I’m going to see it. I just wish I wasn’t so poor so I wouldn’t have to wait for video.
- Underworld: Rise of the Lycans – Vampires vs. Werewolves, the prequel. This time sans Beckinsale. No thanks.
On Video:
- Saw V – Yup, they made another one.
- Max Payne – I say skip the movie and watch someone play the video game. It’s far more compelling than watching Marky Mark try to scowl.
- Igor – Jon Cusack as a system-bucking Mad Scientist’s assistant. Sign me up.
- The Express – Rudy retold starring a black man, except the black man’s actually good at football.
- City of Ember – Bill Murray rules a city facing death and entrusts a couple kids to unlock the secrets of the city. Bill Murray for President.
- Henry Poole is Here – Luke Wilson has a holy wall.
- Repo! The Genetic Opera – Paris Hilton stars in another train wreck. Click the link to the left and watch the trailer, you will not be disappointed.
Tags: Movies, Rental, Theaters, This Week in Movies, video
In Theaters:
- Tropic Thunder – Ben Stiller, Jack Black, and Robert Downey Jr. act as actors acting out a jungle war movie that becomes more than an act. I’d watch it just for Robert Downey Jr.
- Henry Poole is Here - Luke Wilson’s neighbors flock to his house to be healed by the miracle stain. I’ll be flocking to the couch to avoid this movie at all costs.
- Mirrors – Jack Bauer sees terrorists in the mirror. Or something like that.
- Star Wars: The Clone Wars – George Lucas goes on a quest to find more money for his single 30-year-old good idea.
On Video:
- Smart People – The chick from Juno runs around with a bunch of smart people. It could be good, it could be typical indie pretentiousness. I’ll give it a whirl.
- CJ7 – Stephen Chow’s (Shaolin Soccer, Kung Fu Hustle) latest. The trailers confused me and it got mediocre reviews, but his other movies were so good, I stuck it in the queue anyway.
- How the Garcia Girls Spent Their Summer – Ugly Betty spends a summer with some other girls doing their makeup or doing their nails, or having pillow fights or something. I remain completely uninterested.
Tags: Movies, Rental, Theaters, This Week in Movies
In Theaters Friday:
- Baby Mama – Tina Fey hires Amy Poehler as her own personal incubator. In other news, my wife has a platonic woman crush on Tina Fey and I’m perfectly okay with that.
- Deception – Wolverine plays a lawyer who introduces young Obi Wan to an underground sex club. Sounds like good clean family fun.
- Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay – Harold and Kumar are mistaken for terrorists on their way to Amsterdam. Neil Patrick Harris ensues
On Video Tuesday:
- Cloverfield – Monster movies enter the world of YouTube. Interesting concept, but probably would have been better on the big screen.
- Charlie Wilson’s War – A congressman, a CIA agent, and a Houston socialite go into a bar. The Cold War ends. Schlotsky’s! Starring Tom Hanks, Philip Seymour Hoffman, and Julia Roberts. This one’s already in the Netflix queue.
- The Savages – Philip Seymour Hoffman and Laura Linney are dysfunctional siblings who must come together when their father becomes senile. I didn’t realize Hoffman made so many movies last year.
Tags: Movies, Rental, Theaters, This Week in Movies, video
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