On the latest road trip, I was asking Megan what her top 5 desert island movies were and realized mine had changed since the last time I did this. I am in a completely different stage of my life, so I think it’s time to adjust the top 5 accordingly, lest I be stranded on a desert island for the rest of my life with movies from my old list.
So here it is, my updated Top 5 Desert Island movies. These aren’t necessarily my top 5 favorite movies, that changes almost daily, these are the movies I would bring with me if I was going to be stranded on a desert island with nothing else to watch for the rest of my life. Feel free to leave your own top 5 in the comments, but everyone knows, my top 5 is the definitive list.
5. Dazed and Confused - I used to have Empire Records on the list, but since I made that list, I found myself watching this movie a lot more. Matthew McConaughey is golden in this movie, and Ben Affleck was never better (though he was the bomb in Phantoms). This is the definitive “day in the life” movie and by far Richard Linklater’s best. I could watch it a million times.
4. Good Will Hunting – This used to be at the top of the list, it’s the ultimate guy movie and I connected with it deeply during that stage of my life. It’s so good that I can’t just toss it to the side, and I still find myself watching it over again when I’m in a funk. Matt Damon’s still one of my favorite actors and Robin Williams was well deserving of the Oscar, as was the script. Of course, Ben Affleck is in this one too, he was the bomb in Phantoms.
3. Shaun of the Dead - This is the satire to rule all satires and what better genre to satire than the ridiculous zombie genre. Any true satire emulates the very thing it’s commenting on, and this is not only one of the best satires in movie history, it’s also one of the best zombie movies. Simon Pegg and Nick Frost are geniuses fully stretching their cinematic limbs here (watch them find their groove in Spaced, now on Hulu) and this movie alone was reason enough to re-make my list. The jokes never get old, and Queen’s Don’t stop me know was never used more fittingly.
2. Cool Hand Luke – This is another one of those movies that can always get me out of a funk. Plus, it kind of got me a wife. Plus, I took Road to Perdition off the list, which is photographed by the great Conrad Hall, so I had to put another Connie Hall photographed movie on to replace it. This is a beautiful movie starring the great Paul Newman, and it stands the test of time. Plus, you can’t beat the title. Watch it if you haven’t.
1. Star Wars Trilogy - I know what you’re going to say, a trilogy is 3 movies. I beg to differ. Any trilogy done right (I’m looking at you, Matrix) stands together as one cohesive story, and since the prequels don’t exist as far as I’m concerned, the Star Wars Trilogy counts as one. This movie jumped to the top of the list mostly because I’ve been watching it longer than any other movie on the list, and I’ve seen it more than any other movie in existence, and I still get intense jonesings to watch it way too often. But if you’re going to make me choose one, of course it’s going to be Empire.
The theme song is a lost art. Hitting it’s prime in the 80s on everything from sitcoms to cartoons, they pretty much dropped off the face of the earth after climaxing in the early 90s. I say we bring them back. Starting with this theme song for Lost:
But before we get too carried away, we must do some research. Without further ado, I give you the top 5 greatest cartoon theme songs of all time:
5 – GI Joe
If the Cold War brought us anything worthwhile, it was high-quality entertainment. With movies like Red Dawn and Rocky IV, the action genre has never been as good as when we fought the Russians. But all this pro-America propaganda had to reach our children somehow, and thus GI Joe was born. An elite group of American soldiers on a mission to rid the world of terrorist organizations, GI Joe is the epitome of American ideals. And what better way to instill those American ideals than with a catchy theme song. Wherever there’s a list of the great cartoon theme songs, “GI Joe is there.” Now you know, and knowing is half the battle.
4 – The Super Mario Bros. Super Show
The early 90s will forever be remembered for bringing two things into the homes of white middle-class families across America, video games and rap music. The Super Mario Brothers Super Show accomplished both feats in less than a minute of air time. I’m surprised it took producers as long as it did. When you think about it, rap was used in just about every marketing scheme possible in the early 90s, from anti-piracy to Dragnet, so why not use it in the second best video game marketing scheme of the era (second only to the classic Fred Savage flick, Wizard). Seriously, the first thing I wanted to do after watching this show was play me some Mario Bros. and rap while doing it. Screw books and musical prowess, give our children more video games and simple beats and rhymes.
3 – Animaniacs
Animaniacs is quite possibly the most intelligent children’s cartoon ever produced. The jokes and stories had levels I’m only recently beginning to uncover. It was entertaining for kids and adults alike, politically relevant, and as timely as any other social commentary of the age. It was revolutionary in its approach to afternoon children’s entertainment. Plus, it brought us Pinky and the Brain, a cartoon whose theme song only narrowly missed this list. It taught a nation of children the names of the states, their capitals, how to tell a good idea from a bad idea, and even classical music. The only reason their theme song isn’t any higher is because it’s so complex, it’s hard to remember.
2 – DuckTales
I only wanted to pick one cartoon from the Disney Afternoon, and it was between DuckTales and Chip N’ Dale: Rescue Rangers. DuckTales won out of pure popularity. Ask anyone approaching 30 to sing you the theme song and I guarantee you at least 80% of them will belt it out with a smile. What kid doesn’t dream of swimming daily in a giant silo full of gold coins. Scrooge McDuck is Donald Trump times 53. He could single-handedly bail out the entire world with his riches. Where is he when you need him. I hope he drowns in his pool of riches … sorry, that took a nasty turn. I blame the terrorists. Call GI Joe.
1 – Captain Planet
Man, this show was horrible. A bunch of kids scattered across the world find rings that give them control over the elements, that when combined create some strange blue creature on a mission to save to rid the world of eco-terrorists. What kind of perma-baked hippy came up with that story line? And how come the guy with the heart ring never got the girls? He was always hanging out with fuzzy animals. What kind of message is that? Guys with big hearts are destined to be alone with a house full of cats? Okay, maybe it was pretty accurate after all. Really, this show’s only saving grace was its theme song, which played during the closing credits. The fact that kids would watch 30 minutes of hippy, tree-hugging propaganda just to hear the awesome theme song is why I put it at the top of this list … and why I have such a low tolerance for litterbugs. They’re destroying our planet with their carelessness!
Another recycle, but at least this one’s topical. I promise I’m collecting ideas for new ones. They’ve just all sucked so far. I do take requests!
Superbowl Sunday is a special day in the Stay household. It’s a day when the family comes together, united by a single program, to share in the joy that can only come from watching football. No longer is it just Dad and the boys. On Superbowl Sunday, even Mom comes out, anxious to see the latest developments in Superbowl advertising. But none of this would be what it is without the amazing assortment of snacks at our fingertips. This week in Top 5:
The Top 5 Superbowl Snacks
5. Henry Weinhard’s Vanilla Cream Soda – Technically not a snack, but I am including it anyways because it’s such a tasty treat. Every Superbowl event needs a good beverage to wash down the salty goodness of the other snacks and there is no finer beverage than this. It’s sweet, but not too sweet, foamy, and comes in a glass bottle, the way soda was meant to be; soda and ant farms. Can’t forget ant farms. Did you know there’s a species of ants that survives completely on plastic? I didn’t either. Puggles was never the same after that day … I can still hear her yelping … and the twitching … oh, the twitching …
4. Chips and Dip – The type of chip and type of dip is irrelevant. What matters most is the variety of dips present. You’ve got your salsa with cream cheese, your spicy queso dip, your bean dip, and your fresh pico de gallo. The job isn’t done right unless your dipping hand is sore the next day and your shirt looks like it was tie dyed in a vat of seven layer.
3. Buffalo Wings – No sporting event is complete without the accompanying buffallo wings. The spicier the better, this is no sport for the weak. This is the Superbowl, the culmination of a season of work, sweat, and blood, the wings must be a tribute to this, and it doesn’t hurt to smother them in any of the preceding ingredients. Just don’t forget the bleu cheese dipping sauce.
2. Jalapeno Poppers – They’re fried, they’re spicy, and they’re full of cheese. What more could you ask for in a snack? Forget the cheddar cheese poppers you find most commonly these days, the only true popper is the cream cheese popper. I like my poppers like I like my women: hot, deep fried, and filled with cream cheese … errr …
1. Summer Sausage – There is nothing more manly than a huge log of processed meat. If it was up to me, I wouldn’t even slice this up. It would never leave my hand and I’d gnaw on it little by little through the entire game, leaving my teeth full of processed meat fibers to enjoy for the rest of the month. Abandoned kittens would flock to me to feast on the meat fibers lodged firmly in between my teeth. I could feed small nations. I would become a legend. Eat a sausage, save the world.
I’m recycling again, partly because I’m in LA this week, but mostly because I’m lazy. So, apologies if you’ve read these before, but I actually liked this one, so screw you, I don’t care. I take back my apology. I don’t care what you think.
Hey, where are you going? I didn’t mean it. I’ll be better, I promise. Just don’t tell my mom, okay? She’ll take away my video game privileges. Then what will I do for fun? Think of new Top 5s? No thank you.
Here they are, bow before the 7 essential vitamins in every serving.
5. Cookie Crisp – This cereal is very simple. Cookies + milk = delicious. I don’t know why it took so long for people to come up with this. What, kids aren’t eating breakfast? Whatever will we do? Why are you dunking that cookie in milk? Let me try that … Eureka! It’s like the first guy to ever match peanut butter with jelly. It was just meant to be.
4. Cocoa Puffs – This is by far the best of the Cocoa cereals. Cocoa Krispies just turn to mush. Cocoa Pebbles are only slightly better. Cocoa Puffs, on the other hand, have just the right consistency to be both long lasting and great tasting. And as an added bonus you get a bowl full of perfectly mixed chocolate milk after every serving. Who doesn’t like chocolate milk? Communists, Nazis, and Terrorists, that’s who.
3. Oops! All Berries – Again, why it took so long to come up with this cereal is beyond me. All they did was take Crunch Berries, which are delicious despite the risk of cutting your mouth open, and remove the risky little yellow things that do all the slicing, leaving only the delicious fruity little balls and no more sharp edges. Who can say no to delicious fruity little balls? Screw the Cap’n, bring back the berries.
2. Chocolate Lucky Charms – This cereal is like crack-cocaine in a cereal bowl topped with milk. Screw coffee, if you want a quick shot of energy to get you going in the morning, pour yourself a bowl of these tasty nuggets. Don’t like the oats in Lucky Charms? That’s okay, we made them chocolate, thus doubling the sugar. It’s 3 straight shots of sugar in every bowl. First you eat the chocolate oats, then you eat the marshmallows, then, BAM, you top things off with a few gulps of delicious chocolate milk mixed to perfection by your own little chocolate Leprechaun. I get the shakes just thinking about it. Do they have methadone clinics for cereal addicts?
1. Reese’s Puffs – This is the cereal sent down to us by the breakfast gods. Like Cocoa Puffs? Good. Like Peanut Butter Crunch? Me too. What’s that you say? You want to mix them together and add the delicious peanut buttery goodness of a Reese’s Peanut Butter cup? Where do I sign? Yeah, the milk is a little nasty by the end, but here’s a little trick, just reuse it a couple times and by the end of your 3rd bowl of these tasty little puffs of heaven, you’ll be in such bliss that you would suck that milk out of your own dirty gym shoe. Now that’s a complete breakfast.
I decided I’m going to bring back the Top 5, but start by recycling some old top 5s because I’m lazy and I’m not sure anyone read those anyway. At any rate, standard top 5 practices apply, leave your own top 5 in the comments if you wish (log in with your Facebook account, it’s fun!).
Top 5 80s Butt Rock Songs
The 80s were a special time. Everything was shiny, fluorescent, and fake, except for the economy and rock took a drastic leap into the glam. Call it hair bands, butt rock, or glam rock, that music will always hold a special place in my heart.
5. Rocket – Def Leppard: I didn’t find out until a few years ago that what they were saying was “Satellite of Love,” but when I did, this song instantly made it to the list. I’ve been calling myself the Satellite of Love around the house ever since. How’s that for a mental image? Did I mention their drummer lost his arm and kept right on drumming? Also, I drove them around Mandalay Bay in a 15-passenger van during Rock Honors. Yes, I am that cool.
4. Runaway – Bon Jovi: You can’t have a Butt Rock Top 5 without Bon Jovi, it just wouldn’t be right. This is my favorite, mostly because it personifies the Bon Jovi image so well. I especially love the long keyboard intro that progresses steadily into more and more butt rock. I challenge you to play this song while driving in the car or playing any racing video game. It will blow your mind.
3. Big City Nights – Scorpions: No one does glam like the Germans, and these Germans do it best. This song always reminds me of Las Vegas, the capital of glitz, glam, and flash. If there was ever a place for hair bands to thrive in the modern era, it would be Las Vegas. In fact, I think I may have seen a few walking the strip and I’m pretty sure I work with a couple of hair bands. I wouldn’t be surprised if they were actual members of the Scorpions.
2. Every Rose Has Its Thorn – Poison: If there was one thing 80s rock did right, it would be the rock ballad. And Poison did a mean rock ballad. There’s nothing quite like soft, melodic singing accompanied by sporadic hard guitar riffs. Even the title of this song is perfect. What’s the first thing you think of when you hear rose and thorn? Love? This is the 80s my friend, I’m thinking Poison.
1. Sweet Child of Mine – Guns N’ Roses: Axl Rose is the very embodiment of the 80s. Crazy hair, crazy clothes, and just plain wacko, and man could he wail out some falsetto. Throw in a top hat wearing, long-haired guitar legend (who I also drove around in a van … I know … yes, you can touch me. He’s actually very nice. He got in with Scott Ian and Gilby Clarke, said hello upon entering, sat in the back, and said thank you upon exiting), and you’ve got THE 80s hair band. Screw Paradise City. Sweet Child of Mine is a far superior song with a far superior intro and I’m all about the intro. Just ask the ladies … I mean … what?
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