Don’t worry, you didn’t miss anything last week. This week is even worse.
In Theaters:
Last Week:
- Machete – Moments of glorious gore spattered across a lame plot line.
- Going the Distance – “I’m a Mac” is in a long-distance relationship with the little girl from E.T. I liked one of the guys in the trailer, but Drew Barrymore cancels out any positive this thing had going for it.
- The American – It’s supposed to be a throwback to the old-style cinema starring George Clooney. Most reviews I’ve read say it’ll throw you right back to your pillow.
On Video:
- Killers – Ashton Kutcher is a secret agent man. It also stars Katherine Heigl. That’s 3 strikes.
- MacGruber – Probably your best chance at something decent to watch this week, but that’s not saying much. Be warned, it’s supposed to be pretty crude.
Last Week:
Tags: Movies, Rental, theater, This Week in Movies, video
We’re officially in the suck. There won’t be anything good coming out for a while, but here we go anyway.
In Theaters:
- The Last Exorcism – All we can hope for during the movie dead season is a few good horror flicks. This movie brings no such hope.
- Takers – It’s got Paul Walker, T.I., Chris Brown, and Hayden Christiansen. That’s 4 strikes. It also has Stringer Bell, but I assure you, this is not The Wire.
- Avatar (Limited) – They brought it back to select theaters so the few shmucks like me who missed it in theaters the first time can finally give James Cameron their money. There’s still no 3D Blu Ray version, so if you want to see it as James Cameron intended, now’s your chance.
Watch these older movies instead:
- Scott Pilgrim vs. the World – The director of Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz leaves Simon Pegg and Nick Frost behind to bring us a stylized comic action movie starring Michael Cera. I haven’t seen it, but I feel like I’m in his debt after he allowed me to bask in the glory of his first two movies. I’ll be seeing this one.
- Piranha 3D – The B-Movie is back and in glorious 3D. This gimmick of a movie is what the gimmick of 3D was made for. That said, as with most B-Movies, expect lots of blood and gratuitous sex, violence, and nudity.
- Salt – I figure if you have to watch a dumb action movie, it might as well be this one. Just don’t watch the Expendables, I’m begging you.
On Video:
It’s worse than I thought, there was nothing really worth watching that came out on video since my last post, so just use DrChocolates recommendations below if you must watch something. Or check out my other site, GuessWhatTotallyBadAssThingIJustFoundonInstantWatch.com and watch something on Netflix’s Instant Watch.
In other news, I’m thinking of keeping a list of all the movies I watch and my brief thoughts about each. I’ll post it somewhere on this site, so be on the lookout.
Tags: Avatar, Movies, Nick Frost, Rental, Simon Pegg, Theaters, This Week in Movies, video
In Theaters:
- Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs – The third movie in a trilogy whose only real redeeming quality is the prehistoric squirrel. But who am I to judge, if you liked the first two, you’ll probably like this one. Also available in 3D.
~ Save to Netflix Queue
- Public Enemies – Michael Mann (Heat, Collateral) directs Johnny Depp as the infamous gangster, John Dillinger. Also stars Christian Bale and Marion Cotillard (La Vie en Rose), but in a surprise move, the soundtrack contains not a single track from Audioslave. I’m always up for a Michael Mann movie.
~ Save to Netflix Queue
On Video:
Tags: Michael Mann, Movies, Rental, theater, This Week in Movies, video
In Theaters:
- Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen - You may have heard of this one, it’s about a bunch of giant robot cars set on world domination and the giant robot cars trying to stop them. Oh, and there’s some humans mixed in there, namely Shia LeBouf and Megan Fox. Oh, and some explosions too … lots and lots of explosions. It is a Michael Bay flick after all. Came out today. Watch it in IMAX. Portions were filmed in IMAX on 70mm film (standard film is 35mm, IMAX doubles that and turns the picture on its side, making the picture 9 times larger than your standard release … I told you, giant robots), and let’s face it, if you’re going to spend all that money on the theater, you might as well get the biggest robots you can. This has turned into the largest description in the history of This Week in Movies. Michael Bay would be proud. BOOM.
~ Save to Netflix
- My Sister’s Keeper – I haven’t heard anything about this one, but it stars Cameron Diaz, so I wouldn’t watch it with your eyes.
~ Save to Netflix
On Video:
Past Video Releases of Note:
- Gran Torino – Clint Eastwood directs Clint Eastwood as a crotchety old man who learns to love his punk kid neighbors. It looks really good despite my lame description, but I have a platonic man-crush on Clint Eastwood, wrinkles and all.
~ Add to Netflix
- The International – Clive Owen and Naomi Watts go to war against a national bank. It got mediocre reviews, but looks like a fun enough rent.
~ Add to Netflix
Tags: Michael Bay, movie, Rental, theater, This Week in Movies, video
In Theaters:
- The Hangover – Four friends go to Vegas for a bachelor party and wake up the next day with alcohol induced amnesia. Mike Tyson ensues.
~ Save to Netflix queue
- Land of the Lost – Will Ferrel remakes a 70s camp-fest with expected results. Be sure to watch him on Man vs. Wild, Thurs. June 4 on Discovery channel.
~ Save to Netflix queue
- My Life in Ruins – Nia Vardalos (Big Fat Greek) is a tour guide in Greece who is unhappy with life. I can’t tell if this is supposed to be a sequel or not. I can tell it’s going to be 2 hours of Greek-flavored poo.
~ Save to Netflix queue
On Video:
- He’s Just Not that Into You – Marketed as a romantic comedy that really understands women and their woes. In reality, it’s directed by the 51-year-old married male director of such gems as License to Wed, The Beautician and the Beast, and Dunston Checks In … Oh, and Sesame Street’s Follow That Bird. That movie changed my life.
~ Add to Netflix queue
- Defiance – James Bond organizes a rag-tag rebel army to fight the Nazis. Sounds like Return of the Jedi with less Ewoks.
~ Add to Netflix queue
- Revolutionary Road – Sam Mendes (American Beauty, Road to Perdition) directs Leo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet as they battle through the struggles of marriage. Looked pretty good.
~ Add to Netflix queue
Tags: Movies, Rental, theater, This Week in Movies, video
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